MM: Judgment vs. Accountability

I've been thinking about this subject quite a lot lately, and my reading the other day was in Luke 6 which deals with this subject.  Here are a few of the verses that deal with relationships.

31 - Treat others the same way you want them to treat you.
35 - Love your enemies and do good.
36 - Be merciful as your Father is merciful.
37 - Do not judge and you will not be judged.  Do not condemn and you will not be condemned.  Pardon and you will be pardoned.
42 - First take the log out of your own eye - then you can see clearly to take out the speck in your brother's eye.

There are a lot of other scriptures that deal with this subject and also scriptures that deal with church discipline, accountability etc.  I'm not putting them all down here, but there are many more to look at.  What I was trying to figure out was how to discern the difference between being judgmental and holding another believer accountable for ungodly decision and behaviors. 

This whole tension between judgment and 

accountability is interesting to me. 

Judgment seems to be the natural human response.  It is easy to find what is wrong with someone else.  Their faults and missteps seem to be blinking, neon colors whereas my own faults seem to be cleverly hidden.  It seems to be human nature to fault find - even in small ways and even in people that we love (or especially in people that we love) and certainly in people that annoy us anyway.

So - how does judgment differ from 

holding each other accountable? 

*Relationship - judgment is usually one sided.  I tend to keep it to myself or tell someone else - not the person I am talking about.  This is certainly not one of my finer moments.  WARNING   In accountability, there is a mutual relationship of love and respect.  It is "winning the right to be heard."  There is a solid foundation of relationship that can withstand a little tough love.

*Motivation - This one is really important and pretty tricky.  The real question is - What is to be gained?  Overall, it is for the individual's spiritual health and well being.  If there is another motivation in there (prove I am right, make me look better, make them look bad etc.) then I need to take a step back and reevaluate what is going on.  God knows the motivation of my heart, so pretending it is other than it truly is would be foolish.  I want to get this right.

*Desire - does the person I am speaking to desire accountability?  Maybe they will not always be jumping for joy - but have they been walking with the Lord and are now heading down a potentially destructive path?  Have they voiced their commitment and love for God?  If so, I believe that the Lord is already tugging at their heart.  

*Self-inspection and reflection - Have I looked closely at my own life - taken it before the Lord and allowed Him to bring up areas of sin that need to be dealt with?  I want to be able to move ahead confident that I am clean before the Lord.  He might even change my perspective on the situation during this time.

*Prayer - no steps should be taken until the matter has been bathed in prayer.  Pray that the Holy Spirit is already preparing the other person's heart as well as your own so that the message does not fall on deaf ears.  

*Love - there must be tons of love and assurance. "Let all you do be done in love." 1st Cor. 16:14  It is difficult to hear a hard truth.  Our first reaction tends to be to get defensive.  For any real conversation to take place, the other person has to feel safe, cared for and loved.

*Freedom - the person you are speaking with has to have the freedom to disagree.  This can be devastating, especially if you know their behavior is destructive to their life - but hanging in there with them - loving them no matter what and trusting the Holy Spirit to do a work in their life is a must.

*Be Open - be open to what others have to say to you.  Model accountability in your own life.  As you set this example having a teachable heart and humility, you will set the stage for meaningful relationships that glorify the Lord.

Difficult conversations are hard for me.  I am a go along, get along kind of girl.  Part of maturing spiritually is being able to have hard conversations with those you love - those that the Lord has given you to mentor, to teach and to guide.  Truthfully, most of the time this person knows good and well that what is going on is not right.  They may just need you to confirm that and to believe in them enough to know that they can make better decisions, even if it is hard.

Whew - that wore me out!  God is so good to continue to challenge me to be who He wants me to be.  He is so patient to work in me to move me ahead.  Praying that my heart will remain teachable and that when the going gets tough, I will solely rely on Him.